where i slept in twenty twelve (pomes vol. 3! arranged in 2014)

by XMAS

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this isn't an album but a reading of a poem!
also available as a pocket book zine

lyrics

WHERE I SLEPT IN TWENTY TWELVE

a broken boat on trout creek

most porches of st augustine

jacksonville in a bright yellow room

and memory foam and being read to

and on the sidewalks of san antonio

sick and using my friend’s hands as a pillow

in a stranger’s cold stairwell

in south carolina

wrapped in strange blankets and layers

where i probably would have been warmer

if i slept outside in the open

and once in savannah

waking up to all this breakfast

arranged for me on a plate

months later by a double rainbow

in arizony warm rainy sunny afternoon

a golden day that still

couldn’t keep me from spiraling

i ran out of destinations

and came to an end that morning

just the first of many ends that year

endings i’d have to endure up to right now

but also on my mountain in el paso

where i’d been just twice before

the moon and stars like

bright dots in little glimpses

through the valley

over a pitch black road

against a dark blue sky

and city lights far below

where i missed you and my dog

for a second just now

remembering it all wrong

like you were both out there with me

and will it matter if you were not

and once in deland on hardwood floors

laying where the dining room

would be if there was one

aching and wrapped up in moons and stars

in my sister’s first empty home

and on my best friend’s patio in orlando

next to oil lamp dusty second hand books

broken chair and rain and radio

tied up in ribbons and blankets

hanging from windows

inflatable twin mattress above

mountains of cigarette ashes

we slept out there together this one time

instead of inside the apartment

for some reason i don’t know

and in my car in tallahassee

while stray cat sat on hood

he and everything watching over me

and that big bed of texas!

yellow wildflowers

inside a dream

inside a box

inside my car

at super happy fun land

warehouse of couches

where people tripped

and made friends for life

while we sulked far away

and didn’t know what was wrong with us

then miles later in a gravel parking lot

tiny uncomfortable rocks held me

under tucson night sky shooting

star trails like stars hanging

on strings from a ceiling

i watched ‘til i started dreaming

then much later in a hammock

laying too low

touching the ground

in the second bedroom

i made between trees

in a new friends’ arms

chilly free a/c of wintery rooms

chain smoking sometimes

where it tasted like cold

south carolina cigarette of before

back when cigarettes

were still new to me

"i like you very much

and very sweetly”

thinking about times i had

you in my arms instead

all before and after that

at the terminal at the airport

where i worked just a part of my life

sleepwalking every morning

working but i didn’t know what for

three A.M. never felt colder

and on my break one day

feet propped up against the window

counting airplanes

i just smiled and dozed off

"get back to the kitchen!

what are you doing?!”

lonely airport lunch breaks

‘cos there was never a break

from

every

day

but much before that

I slept while you watched movies

in the room where i grew up

after we blew smoke out the window

after we sat under a bridge

after we made meals for one another

after listening to you talk

about a time so pure

in your life

and i could listen to that same movie

play three times over

why can’t i do that for anybody else?

a dark room flickering

i learned happiness

might be the loneliest feeling

'cos before that there were these

fever sleeps

and scary dreaming

in the backseat

rushing right through phoenix to austin

instead of going as slowly as i wanted

the rest of the world swirving

much later in huntsville on a mountain

early evening when it started pouring

sleep next to the overlook

i promised myself

like i promise myself

every other thing i make happen

what kind of dreams will there be

if i sleep while these golden treetops surround me

i promised myself a sweet dream

and then i dreamed something sweet

‘cos i decided i was so tired

of coming to endings

then there in my car in the snow

next to mississippi frozen water stream

dreamed i put my hands on the cold frozen sheet

or maybe it was no dream at all

but another day outside of every day

one of the purest days

though not unlike

all the other ones i think back on

from far away

white green and golden dreams

just me and my dog on christmas day

in a new place

though quite dangerous

inside icy hospital parking lot

inside tornado warnings

mountain draft shakes the car

already on that forever tour

already in love completely

long as i wake up

in a different way

it’s something you gave to me

but you don’t know how you did

but you don’t understand

like how

when i wake up anywhere new

there’s still nothing for me there

like how

i cry when i think

the best year of my life

was your worst

like how you can make me feel everything

a thousand fold

but you can’t feel a thing yourself

like

how everything

being remembered

can only be sweet

so now i try to remember things

just right as they are happening

like how when

just days in a row i went to sleep

where the forever tour ended but

just
for
a
little
moment

in a florida room

on florida street

credits

released June 15, 2014

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